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Life in transformation

If the title of this post sounds familiar, it's because I "stole" it from a 1988 documentary film called "Powaqqatsi: Life in Transformation". I have it in my computer for months now but didn't find yet the right moment to watch it. However, the title goes hand in hand with the period I believe I'm living at the moment.

I don't feel so inspired tonight and I also don't have much time but I think it's important to lay down some thoughts for future reference. The future me might need to read these words, albeit a bit random and unorganized.

Last week I finished refurbishing my room. While to some this might seem something natural and even obvious, I had never felt the need to truly spend time and money in making the place I was living more appealing or cozy or whatever word might be applied here. There are many reasons for this sudden need, but lately one that came to mind as very relevant is the fact that while in Portugal I had what I call circles of peacefulness (my beach Maceda on top of them all), here in Poland I don't really have that. More importantly, the harsh reality of a Winter that lasts 6 months here, makes life outside really tough. While in Portugal I spent most of my time outside, here we are forced to be inside for a considerable part of the year, thus making it almost obligatory to build a place where you feel safe, protected and comfortable.

So I did that. I gave it some thought during the past months about whether I should move to some other country or simply move flats, I decided to stay in the same place and improve it. In doing that, I also committed to staying in Warsaw for the foreseeable future and fight whatever ghosts or dark thoughts were flying around in my mind. I'll build something here or at least I will try. Can be with tennis or can be with something else but there's a lot to be done in this city. And for the moment, I feel like trying.

I have a lot of thoughts about this last month that I would like to share but I'm just not able to put them into concise words, so I'll just share two pics that can easily illustrate two very distinct states of mind. One was chaotic, intense, passionate, seeking for life and beauty in every moment but neglecting simple tasks, routines and the importance of comfort. The other is stable, peaceful, disciplined and more focus on the durability rather than the intensity of the moment.

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I'm happy to say that now I found my home in Warsaw.

The other thoughts I want to write down are connected with Berlin. I was there for a music festival for only 24h and spent a total of 16h in a bus. When I woke up on sunday to catch the bus, tired and sleepy, I really said to myself that I should stop doing these things, that I'm too old for that. However, 12 hours later, after a nice stroll around sunny Friedrichshain and enjoying a beer by the Spree near the East Side gallery, when I entered the main stage in Astra Kulturhaus and heard the incredible sound coming from a band called Mother Engine (worth to check these guys if you like psychedelic rock), I felt like I was home again. And was invaded by a indescribable sensation of happiness and belonging. That was my place, I was meant to be there and I was so thankful to myself for having dragged my ass out of bed that morning. I felt alive and filled with life and that how I basically like to feel.

Berlin. I love Berlin, always have. I guess I can describe it as a city that I understand and which understands me back. I guess no one is indifferent to Berlin. Either you love it or you hate it. I love its chaos, its dirtiness, its mess. I feel like Berlin is a place for misfits and the place where misfits will feel like they belong. Although I know that the city has changed a lot since I first lived there (more than 8 years ago), I still feel like it haven't changed one single bit. It's still magical to me, despite the massive tourism that invaded the city in the last decade.

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As a final thought and note to myself, I guess that while I will certainly focus in leading a more stable and balanced life, I will also let my spirit roam free and I will follow my passions, no matter where they take me. They won't be an attachment, they won't be something I need to be happy, but they will certainly continue being an invaluable complement to the more mundane, steady life.

One thing is sure. The next couple of months will be hectic. While I was trying to slow down the pace, I suddenly realized that my natural impulses made me plan a lot of stuff for the next 8 weeks. I'm curious to see how will I emerge from that period! But I'm definitely looking forward to it.

Posted by ZackMeursault 13:32 Archived in Germany

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